Experience

Its such a strange world... our daily life makes us feel everything is usual around us... life, maynot be too easy, but is going at a good pace. You feel you have just enuf reasons to survive and be happy and then suddenly you see other side of coin, a side which is not so monotonous, each day is different from other.. sun rises with new challenges, and ends on with a learning.Last few days have been totally different experience for me... EXPERIENCE, yes that is the right word to describe what all I felt. Sometimes, a small incident teaches u so much... World, people and life still makes me wonder
I was walking back home from office one evening, and the weather was so beautiful, I decided to sit on a bench outside my office for sometime to enjoy cool breeze... So here I was sitting and enjoying the wonders of nature - trees dancing on the tune of winds, birds complaining drizzle. Everyone who passed me by was enjoying the weather, but unfortunately not as lucky as me and could not sit and enjoy the view for some more time :), except one girl. I saw her coming in my direction from far and she was walking unsteadily. Something about her made me keep looking. I noticed, she was very pretty with curly hair ( first person i found looking pretty with curls)... but her eyes, they were odd... as she came closer, i realized i was right, there was something very odd about her eyes, they were swelled. Well, before I started scruitinizing her more, she came and sat beside me. I tried to move my concentration back to the wonderful weather, but I just couldnt get my mind off her. All I was thinking, why are her eyes so swelled, has she been crying all night, or maybe she was in night shift and lack of sleep or maybe poor girl was sick.
So, here I was, debating inside with what could be the problem with this beautiful person, forgetting myself for a moment. Before I could make up my mind on what could be the problem and get off it my head, I saw her lit a cigratte. She started taking puffs, and as I am alergic to smell, I couldnt bear the smell. I politly asked her to put off the smoke, as I could not bear the smell. She looked at me and with tumbling voice asked me to move away if I had problem.All of a sudden my sympathies turned into hatred, and I decided I shouldnt bother about this girl and should go back to my weather which by that time felt so left alone without my notice that it became dull.
But, I didnt move from my place, i dont know why... After sometime, she threw away her cigratte, and said sorry and stood up to leave. With that one act, she all of a sudden became my friend and I couldnt stop myself from asking why does she smoke? Teacher's blood inside me started a lecture with hazardeous effects of it. She listened to me patiently and then said, sometimes you know what you are doing is wrong, but it provides you a moment of bliss and at times that one moment means lot more than entire life.
I was confused, how could a puff makes such a big difference in somebody;s life. I mean look at me, if i smoke i dont know about bliss, but i will get asthama for sure...Anyways, I realized I was crossing my line, just to continue the conversation( I was in no hurry to go home), I asked her where she works and words between her and me started flowing. After 15-20 mins, my anxiety to know about her eyes outshadowed any other topic, and i decided to cross the line and ask, rather than thinking whole day about it. So, no matter how prudent it sounded, I asked her, why her eyes were swelling?
She looked at me, totally shocked, and kept staring. That was one moment, I wont forget, I was scared- no, I was embarrrased for prying-maybe, but the question was out of my head, and i was feeling much lighter.After a couple of minutes, she asked me how old am I? and I was totally unprepared for that question, I mean cmon what has my age to do with her swollen eyesBut, just to make her feel more comfortable, I answered I am 24. She asked " You are young, do you have a boy-friend?". Now cmon, definitely the answer to that question would not affect her eyes, I was damn sure. So I asked her why is she asking these questions.She smiled, and said " Either you dont have one or you are one of the rare girls whose boy-friend cares" Definitely, either ways, I am the lucky one, but again, I had so many questions on my face, she decided not to increase them and answered my original question
"When you truely love someone, you give him your heart and soul and you expect the same in return. More than often, you are disappointed. If you are lucky, you would come to know in early stages of your life, but there are people like me, who come to know about it just when its too late"
Now cmon, I am among those people who believe no-one can push you to a moment where you lose control of yourself, so how can someone not loving you back can make you so weak.I told her the same, and she smiled at me, and agreed, but her next few lines blew me out. All she said was " I am married to him, and I realized it after marrying him :) So here I am, carrying out a relation which means everything to me and nothing to him. I love him from heart and soul and nothing of me makes him love me. He is that perfect stranger to me whom even after having, I cant say is mine"
I was speechless. All that came in mind was this line I ones read
" Worst kind of loneliness is to be sitting next to the person and knowing he/she can never be yours"
She just walked away, and I didnt know what to say. I still didnt got the answer I had asked at first, but it didnt matter anymore...I dont know her name, I dont know exact location of her office, I am not even sure if I ever will meet her, but yes, I learnt something today, something I cant describe in words, but for sure would remain with me forever as an experience...